I mean. EVERY time i start to get happy, reality comes back and shoots me in the head.
My mom says once my Dad comes home from deployment, she's leaving. Why? She can't stand me. I was the horrible accident that led to her shitty life. She goes saying " Oh, i'm going to shoot myself." as if it's something to take lightly. she says it at least once a day. She makes fun of it. Why does she say that?
1.) I say I'm suicidal, so she makes fun of it. Most likely encouraging me to shoot myself.
2.) She assumes that will make us listen to her.
But the second one makes me panic. I couldn't live if I saw her dead. I mean, I'd die inside. I would kill something. Most likely myself.
My family can't stand me. Not at all. They think i'm horrible. An accident. A unwanted accident. Every day it's something new
" Pack a bag and leave. No one wants you"
" Go rot in hell with the rest of you lesbian whores"
Etc. Etc.
So. If i don't make a diary for 1-2 weeks. Might want to get worried.
Hi.
I'm Oca. My Friend Maho told me about this, so here i am.
I don't upload very often, but when i do, please do leave criticism.
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Shout
Harsh Words and Violent Blows
Hidden Secrets no one knows
Eyes open, Hands Fisted,
Deep inside I'm warped and twisted.
To many Tricks, Too many Lies,
Too Many Whens and Whys,
I'm not special, i'm not gifted,
I just stand here so warped and twisted.
Every Day just brings more sorrow,
Today is just yesterday's tomorrow,
The Flames died out, the ashes sifted,
And I Still Stand, so Warped and Twisted.
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